I'm really worried about Irish Dance. It isn't the steps or the classes. It's the Celtic Maidens. (That is the name we took for our troupe)
Everytime we get together, we argue. Their is not the smallest issue that we can let go. We have to resolve things slowly and painfully. Every single time we add something new at least some one gets grumpy and doesn't like it. Katie NEVER wants to dance. Elizabeth really anoys Katie, Katie really anoys Elizabeth, Michaela really anoys Katie, when she is trying to resolve things the quick and easy way, (her aproach can be anoying, and after all, they are sisters.) I feel like I am trying to take charge, and that I'm being to bossy, and that Michaela is really getting frustrated. About something and keeping it totally to herself, and we don't listen to her, and that she doesn't want to dance at all. Michaela and Katie say they don't want Irish dance to be their life. That is fine. But we are working towards something, and we are trying to get five dances done in time.
And really, sometimes it seems that most the problems root back to Katie. She NEVER EVER EVER wants to dance. She has a bad attitude about something most the time. She is grumpy, and we are practically dragging her along. If we accidentally call her and Elaina the "younger" girls, just as a generic term, she gets really upset. ( And that is just an example, we stopped doing that ages ago) Katie never has been the best loser at the best of times, and having to back down when everyone else wants something, or she isn't right, doesn't seem to be easy for her. We have not worked hard TOGETHER for weeks now. Me and Elizabeth are dragging everyone else along half the time.
I love to Dance.
I love to dance.
And this is not how I want this to be. We don't get anything done, we never can dance just because we love it. I want us to get together and mutually work hard on something. I desperatly don't want to drop the Celtic Maidens, and I am terribly afraid we are going to have to. I'm afraid the Moms are going to say we need to stop ( I'm especially afraid Aunt Joyce is going to do this) All this arguing is making it not worth it, but I really want it to be. I want us to dance because we love it, and even because we enjoy performing for people.
Why does Katie have to be grumpy every single practice?
Why can't we be kind and loving?
Why can't we get past the aches and pains just ONCE so we can do this?
Why can't we do this?
Why do we have to pick apart every itsy bitsy tiny stupid little thing?
Why does this have to be so HARD?
I can't really talk to mom about this, because I don't want her to think we should drop the troupe. I'm just holding this upsettedness, but I was wondering if you guys had any ideas?
I just want to dance.
8 comments:
WELL...I can't give you much advice because I don't have sisters or cousins that I do anything with.
I totally understand not wanting to take it to the Moms. I know how you feel there.
Does anyone else recognize the problems like you just laid them out? that's the first step, becaue if everyone just tries to blow it over and not address the problems it'll only get worse. so maybe you should all meet and hash everything out. sometimes that's the best thing you can do.
i know that's not the most helpful advice in the world. :)
Like I said, I don't really know how the family dynamics work, so I can't offer much there. However, I do know a little about how God works. maybe try praying all together each time before you dance, that you'll all be open to everyone's ideas, and try to consider your words before you say them, etc. And pray on your own too. God know that you love to and want to dance. and He'll help you to all work as a team (or troupe, rather) if You just ask Him to and all work on having open minds and good attitudes.
I'm praying for you too!!!
Thanks so much Verya . . .
Part of the problem is that we all know we argue and have way to many problems. Most of us admit it is pretty pathetic, but how do we get past this and fix it?
I have thought of the idea of prayer before we work together, and I think that is a really good idea, one that we should carry out.
hum. that's very interesting. we talked about this with my sisters for about an hour last night, and they both fully beleive that Katie is the root of the problem, too.
i think Katie needs to be aproached by someone she will listen to.
she needs to be dethroned.
cuz she drives me absolutly crazy too, and i'm not even dancing with you guys! but it's going to be very hard to make her listen, she's at a bad place in the process of growing up (which you could say the same about me, so i'm not judging) and you've got to be extreemly carefull lest she throw in the towel.
cuz you can't have that happen.
my idea was to not tell Katie that she is the root of the problems, but rather put the solution in her hands. obviously you need a new system for settling disputes, and i don't think it matters what the system is so long as Katie agrees to it. if you could have her come up with that system, she will stick to it.
maybe you could all propose a system but unanumously agree to adopt Katie's, so that she doesn't know she's being singled out as the trouble maker.
my mom thinks katie just needs to be affirmed, and i think i agree. that would take care of that, too.
whatever happens, try not to get the mom's involved. because i happen to know that this is a contention point between them, as well, and my mom is threatening to end the whole troop if the arguing continues.
and under no circustnaces what so ever must you give up, Bethany Hammermaster. I beleive in this troop, I beleive in you, and you are going to make it to this festival. If everyone commits to being part of the solution, there WILL be a way out of this mess.
and i'll pray.
and i might add that while Katie may be causing the MOST trouble, you all have problems contributing to the confusion.
but you each have to acknowledge that everyone else is very likely NOT going to change. how can you, personally, fix this problem with Michaela's not-carring and Katie's emotions and Elizabeth's negativity... if none of that changes, what can YOU change to fix this?
and if each of you asks that question and honestly tries... i think you'd be getting miles. right now you're all more interested in your personal goals than you are in fixing the problem.
but i don't mean to sound like a know it all, i really want to step in and fix this all but i know i can't and may very well be seeing this all completely wrong.
Hmm . . .
Thanks Emily.
I was afraid Aunt Joyce was saying that. When you sugest we need to unanimously go with Katie's idea, do you mean us four girls need to talk about it on our own and then when we make sugestions, we end up agreeing with Katie?
What do you mean by affirmed?
Okay, I know we can do this. And I know I need to think about my attitude to, because I get really frustrated with Katie quickly, especially lately, because of all these problems.
Oh, and if we go with our idea and I talk to Michaela and Elizabeth and Elaina, and we decide to agree with Katie about how we decide things, then are they going to mind that you sugested all these things? I'm not really interested in telling them that I wrote about this and that all my friends know about our problems . . . but it might help, if I present it the right way.
There are some very interesting thoughts posted up here. This may be too soon to say, but I think most of our problems. Elaina and Liz came over to our house the other day and we danced for three and a half hours. No arguing at all. We're all proud of ourselves.
About Katie... I think she is sort of stuck in the middle, if you get my meaning. Beth and I (notice my grammar, Em) both are older than her. Enough older than her that it creates a small gap. Nathan and the twins are enough younger than she is so that Katie is sometimes-how can I say it? Stuck in the middle. Even her cousins are kind of like that, except Elaina is very close in age, so that argument is a little hollow. Thank you for your prayers. The Celtic Maidens Irish Dance Troupe is doing alot better.
P.S. You guys have WAY too many blogs
naw...you get used to it. remember, the community things don't work (except village square)?
I'm SOOOOOO glad you're doing a lot better! I understand what you mean about Katie (though I haven't been in that situation, it's easy to see it elsewhere). She lookes up to you older ones, and wants to be confirmed in that, and also wants to be looked up to by the younger ones. sometimes I'm imagining she probably doesn't get one or the other, or both, and that's especially tough (not getting what you want) at that age. But it sounds like you're doing lots better.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks.
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